Sunday, March 1, 2009

Screw Birth....& all that comes from it

I'M, or should I say WE are not having kids. Initially, (and I'm talking way back, when I was a teen), I blamed it on the messiness & pain of the whole birth thing. I was amazed to discover the fact that sometimes the doc had to slit open your vagina with a razor blade in order for the baby to plop out easier. Oh my God, are you kidding me? But, .......wait for it..........
THAT WAS NOT THE WORST PART!!!! Huh? The real pain were those darn contractions. What the fuck? (I have a mouth like a truck stop hooker-get used to it..)
What was I saying? Oh yeah, no kids for us.
It's not the pain thing anymore, it's the responsibility aspect. Plus I'm selfish.
Earl & I are so in love with each other & our Cats, it seems like a rugrat would ruin it. Yeah, that' right I said it and I'll probably say it again!
Imagine if I actually squeezed one out, only to discover it was allergic to animals? I'd have to try sell (or give away) the thing on Craigslist. What a hassle. I hate strangers coming to my house to check shit out.
"It's a baby for Chrissakes, obviously, I told you it's sneezing because of the cats!! Are you taking it or what? Alright, I'll throw in the mobile over that cribby thing, do we have deal?"
I'm fucking serious.
BTW.... I'm trying to organize my thoughts regarding this Octomom bitch. Just give me some time.


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  2. HAHA what a funny comment up there!!!

    About this post, i'm with you girlie!! Fuck that and who wants to deal with Craigs list anyway!!???

    Animals and men, in that order!!!

  3. Such perfect sarcasm and wit for my sunday-morning-coffe-blog-reading session...thank you.

    You know, once you have one rugrat, the pressure is on to have more. Comments start out light "when are you having the next?"...become more questioning "are you waiting till she's like 5 or something" obnoxious "having one child is cruel, i was an only child...blah blah" anal "she's 10, don't you think you better get started on the next"...then you just let them have it...i was in post partum depression with the first for 8 fucking years, my marriage sucks and i'm trying to think of a way out, i'm a selfish bitch, anything else you want to know...

    ack, on a coffee high, wrote too much for a comment, but the opportunity was there, cats are not on keyboard, kid is still sleeping, and no husband!

    Love your words, can't wait for more.

  4. Wait? You don't want kids?

    Fuck me. I'm outta here. ;)

  5. Wait, you dont want kids?

    Fuck me. I'm outta here ;)

  6. I think the deal with Octomom is that, well, she said it best herself when she said, "I always wanted a loving family because I never had one."

    so she must have some very big gaping hole inside her heart. So big she is trying to fill up with kids.

    only, kids should not arrive to fill any hole, or fill anything. They should not have a job before they are born.

    this is where octomom is such a flaming retard. she created 14 lives to fill her own selfish needs. It is so sad for those kids. they are viable human beings, not sandbags to secure her flood waters of crazy.

    honestly, moms exist for the kids, not the other way around.

    and that's all i have for the octo-mom.

    either way, YAY CATS!!!

  7. I think kids, like cats, should have 9 lives. That way if you unknowingly give birth while dropping a deuce, and accidentally flush the baby down the still have eight more chances after fishing that tit-sucker out of the sewer.

    This fresh web-log was created especially for you. Welcome Gia!

  8. Wow! Where did all these intelligent, well spoken funny people come from?
    Okay "Money Making Portal" doesn't count. However, Michelle, Monica, Holly Hall & Water Logged Canine - all of you made me smile, nod & proud that I started this thing!! Earl doesn't count, he makes me feel good, just by breathing. Slyde, well he is my man's girlfriend so I can't comment on him (Ouch!! Sorry Slyde, have to keep up the blog dissing!!) Thanks to all of you!!

  9. Wow. You so sound like I felt about having kids too! I have my two cats and they are a handful enough. Maybe it is being selfish but then again, I think it is selfish to have children if you don't intend to bend over backwards to bring them up into decent human beings and be able to afford things they should have. Anyway, I just found you through Earl and wanted to say welcome to the blogosphere (sorry I'm late).